turned outward

last night i got really annoyed - several things happened to contribute to my moodiness and even a spectacular Yankee victory over the hated red sox could help out...i went to bed in a bit of a crappy mood...aaaand then i woke up in the same one....

now let me set the record straight: i HAAAAATE it when people always are talking about their bad days and that is not the purpose of this post - will you read very little venting by me here for two reasons...1) everyone else has enough issues to deal with AND 2) in a much more real sense: you are an adult - no one or nothing can MAKE you have a bad day - YOU HAVE A CHOICE ABOUT YOUR ATTITUDE!!!! (ok i got that off my chest)

anyways, i did wake up in a annoyed mood (by now when i say 'wake up in' you can assume i mean 'i was choosing to not let these things go') so i went off to the office...wait, back up - here's what nearly every weekday morning of my life looks like:

• wake up between 7:00-7:15
• check my phone (i know that seems odd but 50% of the time i DO already have a message)
• go downstairs and grab the sports section of the paper (and the CNY if i'm feeling ambitious)
• go to the bathroom and take care of my morning business while i read (i'm very regular)
• take a shower and get dressed
• drive to the office
• pray and do devos
• start work

ok, so back to my story...i get into work and go to pray...but i'm still CHOOSING to be upset and it's hard for me to focus...finally, i decide to just give all the situations to God - i remind Him (actually myself) that i trust in Him and that He can handle everything i can't (which happens to be everything)...soon enough i'm feeling at peace and sorta embarassed about the things that bother me or concern me from day to day...as i prayed i was reminded of the things i've seen on missions trips (i leave for mexico in a week)...i thought of the kids in belize who were ecstatic to get one new tshirt (even if didnt fit them) and how they wore it everyday we were there...i remembered the faces of the kids in ecuador who responded to the altar call because they truly understood what it meant to NEED something...i thought of the little girl in the DR with the most beautiful eyes any of us had ever seen; she also was born with AIDS and is probably not alive as i type this...i thought of the pastors in Cuba who give up EVERYTHING and live on NOTHING so that they can accomplish SOMETHING for God - i remember the one room shacks they live in and how gladly they gave us their only good food and drink...then i thought of the teenagers we met in Belfast last summer who live in daily fear of when and where the next bombing will take place...all of a sudden i couldn't think of much to complain about...

this isn't about you -i'm not trying to guilt you into feeling bad for people with less or make your life seem like it's a breeze just because you have 'things' - we all know that doesn't satisfy - i just can't believe how selfish I can be when there's so much need - i guess God reminded me that when we start looking at ourselves and our own situations too much we really need to be turned outward - feeling left out? go reach out to the unlikable...feeling undervalued? go serve someone...feeling unloved? go love someone!

i'm so thankful that God is active in my life and plays a constant (dare i say subtle?) role in keeping me from being a total failure

of course, then i went to my office and my computer didn't work and the WHOLE process started over again....but i'm learning...i hope