a faith that doesn't vibrate

cell phones...ah...what did we do before those?

top five reasons cell phones are the greatest technological advance since atari:
5 - you can check sport's scores on them and get sports updates via text messages
4 - they can be hidden in your hand under an office desk
3 - you can download ridiculously cool ringers
2 - you can take spy like pictures and/or use the camera as a memo pad of sorts
1 - you can set the dang thing on VIBRATE (see how i used italics to further convey the concept of vibrate there? how clever and understated...uh, till now)

you might be able to think of five other reasons that you might consider more significant but you would, of course, be wrong...

reason 5 will come in handy in a significant way this weekend...the yankees and the red sox battle for the AL East pennant...who coulda saw this coming? NY and Boston playing meaningful games in late September/early October??? shocker!!! alas (alas is a very underused and helpful word) i will be in rochester tonight celebrating 5 months with erin...right as our entrees are headed toward our table David Wells will be throwing the first pitch of the game (which Jeter will promptly smash for a double of the Green Monster)...now would i like to be watching the game? HECK YES!!!! but i'm learning that somethings in life are more important than sports...like not being single for the REST OF MY LIFE...so i'll gladly be with my baby...and with my cell phone...poor erin has just recently realized that i also like football and she has already spent one sunday afternoon with me on the couch watching football..well, i watched...she made a necklace using some necklace making kit from Target (my nephew's favorite store in the ENTIRE WORLD)...she was sitting next to me at the New Hope banquet tuesday night when i was discreetly checking scores and simultaneously receiving text messages from 4 of my friends about the game (thank GOD for verizon's IN plan) so, she KNOWS that i will be keeping one eye on the phone tonight and she still loves me for it...she even pretends to care about how the Yankees do and is learning their names slowly but surely...she already knew Jeter but what warm blooded american girl doesnt know him? she EVEN knows how to keep score in a scorebook now after sitting and watching about a dozen of my softball games...what a woman! but anyways, after dinner we're going to hear eastman's symphony/orchestra/whatever...so while they're beginning the 2nd movement of some song composed by some guy with an unpronouncable name, the yankees will be smack dab in one of the biggest games of the year...and i will be saying thanks be to God for reason # 5 as the updates pour in...

reason #4 has only come in handy once but boy was it valuable...ever get stuck in a conversation that you KNOW is destined to not end till the rapture? well, i did once at church...the old sneak attack (aka not knocking on the office door, just walking in unannounced)...about 2 light years into this very one-sided conversation i began to pray for either a way out of the chat or way out of life...then reason #4 saved the day...i had my cell phone in my hand below the desk and i had the church phone number on speed dial!!!!!!!! without even looking down i called MYSELF! i excused myself to take the call and then (GOD FORGIVE ME) proceeded to tell the person that i needed to take this call (not a total lie...?) they obliged and the day was saved - literally...for the briefests of seconds i thought - what if phones are NOT meant to be this close together? what if i get some ridiculous feedback noise or my voice is real loud in the cell phone earpiece? but i decided it was worth the risk...

the only drawback to reason #3 is that everyone thinks they deserve their own ringer - even if they only call you once a month...on accident...my favorite on accident calls are when they dial you and don't realize it and they're just walking around or talking to someone else while you're going "hello? hello??? HELLO???..oooh, they must've called me on accident...hmmm, guess i'll listen for TEN MINUTES just to see if they do or say anything incriminating..." -come on! you've done that! the other thing with ringers is that you don't always want everyone in your life hearing your choice of ringer...example: i accidentaly happened upon a song that i could down load called 'if you were gay' - it's a showtune (like i needed to explain THAT) and it's HILARIOUS - the words go 'if you were gay, that'd be ok, i mean cause hey, i'd like you anyways' - but there's no intro music - the first thing the ringer does is "IF YOU WERE GAY"..so i'm in denver with my youth group and we're having group devotionals in my hotel room (this is one of those stories where you ALREADY know how it ends just based on my setup...) anyways right in the middle of robbin's great devo on loving each other my phone (JUST out of my reach) lights up and at SUPER loud level goes, "IF YOU WERE GAY..." needless to say at that point i was not so grateful for reason #3 and wished i had employed reason #1...

reason #2 is sorta twisted i guess - i mean, i've only really taking two spy pictures ever and one was cause a guy in barnes and noble had a rook from a chess set growing off his belly where a bellybutton was supposed to be...it was the greatest spy work i have ever done (second only to the time i dressed up like a ninja at college and snuck into a dorm only to be revealed standing in the middle of the room dressed in black when someone turned the lights on...don't worry...in true ninja fashion i yelled' KOREAN FURY' and ran out the door) - to get the picture of this guys belly i stood in an aisle and pretended to read woodworking for dummys for like 5 minutes..this picture was perfect but it was on my old phone and i no longer have it...the other time involved a remarkably not small lady sitting behind me at a skychiefs' game but erin made me feel bad about that one right away...the other thing i can use my picture phone for is like a memo pad of sorts...the other day i went to SAMS CLUB (AWESOMEST PLACE) to get candy for the candy machine at church - i was about to write down the types of candy when i remembered - i can take a picture of it! so i did...and that's the picture above...yay for me being brilliant

reason #1 is captured most effectively in a rufus wainwright song when he writes, "my phones on vibrate for you but still i never ever feel from you" - he's a clever boy and i'll give you one guess as to which of the downloaded ringers i've talked about so far that i would use for him...anyways, the whole vibrate thing is so great cause it means you don't have to turn your phone off in meeting, theatres, concerts, dinner, church...i think EVERY single older person who has a cell phone should be forced to take a class in simply how to set their phone on vibrate - i mean, it seems like NONE of them know how to do that - seriously, next time a phone goes off in a place it shouldn't take a look at who it is...i have learned that putting a phone on vibrate is not the same as making it silent...a vibrating phone on a surface other than my soft belly can be quite loud...the ONLY thing with vibrate mode is this: i HATE I HATE I HATE it when i misplace my phone and it's on vibrate...if it's on volume i can just call it and find it but when it's on vibrate i'm walking around my house, the church (or in the case of THIS morning - TARGET) cursing the moment i decided to set my phone on vibrate...when i really need it to ring - it can't because i've set it up to accomodate my need to accomodate other people's right to not be bothered by my IF YOU WERE GAY ringer...

the thing is that while i was considering this very thing this morning, God, in his clever and subtle way, reminded me of how my faith in Him is very much like my phone on vibrate...we like to live our lives for God so quietly as to not disturb people around us, we like to fit in to the staus quo, to not rock the boat, to be likable, accepted, approved...and in the process our faith becomes awful quiet (on vibrate?) but the REAL problem is that when we finally NEED our faith to be loud and heard it can't be found...cause we've been so quiet and disengaging with it for so much of the time...i want a faith that doesn't vibrate but that is LOUD and lived out LOUD - not in an annoying obnoxious bullhorn to the mouth sort of way...but in a real true way that has invaded my entire life...living our faith for God is not some superspiritual thing..it's being like Christ...loving the unlovable, accepting the rejected, embracing the down and out...but when we reduce our faith to a list of moral obligations and religious disciplines, we essentially put our faith on vibrate and it can be awful hard to find when we really need it...