faith

My faith is not an easy thing to describe. I can hardly wrap my mind around it at times let alone dress it up in words. It lives in my heart, a place where mere words meet their match and common expressions go to die. My faith is about experiencing something I could never fully understand, being filled with something I cannot completely contain, feeling something I can never actually touch and knowing something that was never intended to be proven.
I have faith in a God who so loved a world that He gave up the only thing that could have been considered a sacrifice on His part. His Son. His only Son. Who He loved. This greatest love, which came from a Father’s heart, was proven in a Son’s sacrifice and has been found in the lives of many since has become my source of strength, my sense of purpose, my truest hope and my eventual resting place.
I have faith in a God that so desired chosen relationship with us that He gave us free will. He could have created puppets and robots that he could control with strings and commands. But he created humans that could chose to accept His love or reject it.
Living out my faith is almost always defined in terms of the word love. Love God. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Love your enemies. I shudder when others communicate the faith that I embrace in a tone other than love. Even the truth can and must be spoken in love. Jesus told his followers that their identifying mark would be their love for each other.
My faith invades every aspect of my life because it is much more than a creed, a belief, a statement, a worldview, a perspective or even a way of life. It IS life. My prayer is that Jesus would feel more and more at home in my heart. That my desires would truly reflect His, that my thoughts would be nothing more than echoes of His and that my life would be entirely lost so that His could be found living in me.
My faith is neither exclusive nor narrow minded. What could be less narrow minded than believing there is a hope for all? That there is a peace available to any? That there is a love that knows no gender, racial or ethnic boundaries?
I am forgiven of a debt that I could not pay. I am free of a prison that I could not escape. I am full of a hope, a peace and a joy that the world has no claim to.
I have placed my life in the nail-scarred hands of a man I have never seen with my eyes. I have found my hope in a story that can be best described as a mystery. And I have given my love to a God whose love for me is only rivaled by His love for you.

casa???

erin and i had found a house that we really liked but there were immediately three other offers on it so we were sorta hedging our bets...but we made our best offer and tada - I BOUGHT A HOUSE!!!!!!
crazy...i'm so excited and so poor - i will have you all over soon - and i can safely say that since about 2 people read this blog...

some inside-outies

once upon a time

i actually did something sorta handy
here i am painting on a youth event
yay for me
yay for the teens who ended up coated in paint
and who didn't eat for 25 hours
so others could

inside-outies

i have the opportunity to work with an amazing group of teens and with an dedicated staff...here's a shot of some of them

four weeks

in 37 minutes it will be four weeks to the day since my uncle jerry suffered a major stroke, bleeding in the brain
he is 57
he is 6 months from retirement
he has a wonderful wife (aunt rosie) who is also months from retiring
he has plans for the upcoming year including a cruise and a trip to italy
he has a heart the size of a mountain
he has a sense of humor that i cherish
he is my favorite uncle
he calls me davoo...no one else does
he was given 1-2 hours hours to live
he's still alive
he's still fighting
he has been on life support for nearly four weeks
in 35 minutes it'll be four weeks

i drove to strong's in rochester the day after the stroke fully expecting to say goodbye to him...
as i walked into his room i could hardly stay composed...my aunt rosie was in there too so i wanted to be strong for her...wanted to be a man...wanted to not cry...not show fear i was full of..the despair that was working its way into my soul...the pain that made me wanna run...

but i couldn't

i cried

and she comforted me

I remember the overwhelming sense of hopelessness that day and the praying and hoping that we would at least get a chance to pray with him and have some reassurance that he was headed Home if we lost him

it was a day or two later that my dad was able to lead him in prayer as he responded by squeezing his hand…he’s made some miraculous progress in the weeks that followed…

but in 26 minutes it’ll be 4 weeks since he’s spoken or opened his eyes

I guess all this time has lured me into a false sense of security…the body doesn’t just bounce back from something this traumatic…it takes time…and sometimes it takes more than time…we’re praying for a miracle…a healing

nearly four weeks ago as sat in the waiting room I reached for things that I could be certain of and here’s what I came up with:

1 – my uncle was severely damaged
2 – my God is all good, all powerful, all wise
3 – i trust in His goodness, I pray to his power and I surrender to his wisdom

many people want to know where God is in these times…as if God causes all pain and suffering and should always interfere with life when it benefits us but keep His hands off when it may not…I know where he was when my uncle’s face began to go numb at the party…

He was with me 100 miles away, preparing my heart for the news
He was with the doctors who would be soon be working to save his life
He was with the ambulance driver who raced through the streets
He was with my uncle

17 minutes…

there’s a song lyric in a death cab for cutie song that goes, ‘love is watching someone die’…I’m not sure what they meant by that but I do know that this family’s love has grown in that waiting room…we’ve provided food for docs/nurses/families of patients…we’ve been able to fill his hospital room with songs of hope and peace and love…and in the midst of our pain, we’ve been able to minister to others

I’ve been able to spend more time with my aunts and uncles and cousins in 4 weeks (almost) than in maybe 4 years…and I know that would make my uncle happy…

there are a tremendous amount of people praying for my uncle and if you are one of those people then THANK YOU…I’ll never pretend to understand everything about prayer and how it works and how our view of it is as limited as a newborn’s view of the world around it but I know that God requires it of us…I know He loves to hear our heart even though he’s known every content of it from before the beginning of time…I know that our persistence and faith can somehow move the very heart of God …I know that I need it much more than He does…

in the past four weeks (well, 4 weeks in 11 minutes) ive been able to be alone with my uncle exactly once because of the outpouring of visitors and love…this past week I was there early in the morning and I sat alone with him

I read the Bible
I wrote in the family journal
I prayed…a lot
I looked at the pictures on the wall (including the one above)
I watched his BP on the screen
I looked at the tubes running into his body
I sat
I waited
I hoped…
…that he would sit up
…that his eyes would open
…that no nurse would come in and make me leave
…that we would talk baseball again soon
…that God would do something to baffle every doctor and nurse
…that I would hear him call me davoo again

…that he would be at my wedding

6 minutes

my favorite book of the Bible is Habakkuk
I love how this prophet was certain that he understood how God worked
I love how God blew his mind
I love how Habakkuk tried to convince God that He has lost His mind
I love how God didn’t crush him after that
I love how God showed that His desire to bring us to our destinies is so great that He’ll risk our affection to do so…

And I love the ending…

Though the fig tree should not blossom And there be no fruit on the vines, {Though} the yield of the olive should fail And the fields produce no food, Though the flock should be cut off from the fold And there be no cattle in the stalls, Yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord GOD is my strength, And He has made my feet like hinds' {feet,} And makes me walk on my high places.

3 minutes

somehow God has used this time to remind me of His love…I always come back to his love and I’m really amazed by it…His nearness IS my good…His name IS my hope…

I do trust Him…

30 seconds

even with my favorite uncle

10 seconds

even for four weeks…

josh bowers is a silly boy