faith

My faith is not an easy thing to describe. I can hardly wrap my mind around it at times let alone dress it up in words. It lives in my heart, a place where mere words meet their match and common expressions go to die. My faith is about experiencing something I could never fully understand, being filled with something I cannot completely contain, feeling something I can never actually touch and knowing something that was never intended to be proven.
I have faith in a God who so loved a world that He gave up the only thing that could have been considered a sacrifice on His part. His Son. His only Son. Who He loved. This greatest love, which came from a Father’s heart, was proven in a Son’s sacrifice and has been found in the lives of many since has become my source of strength, my sense of purpose, my truest hope and my eventual resting place.
I have faith in a God that so desired chosen relationship with us that He gave us free will. He could have created puppets and robots that he could control with strings and commands. But he created humans that could chose to accept His love or reject it.
Living out my faith is almost always defined in terms of the word love. Love God. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Love your enemies. I shudder when others communicate the faith that I embrace in a tone other than love. Even the truth can and must be spoken in love. Jesus told his followers that their identifying mark would be their love for each other.
My faith invades every aspect of my life because it is much more than a creed, a belief, a statement, a worldview, a perspective or even a way of life. It IS life. My prayer is that Jesus would feel more and more at home in my heart. That my desires would truly reflect His, that my thoughts would be nothing more than echoes of His and that my life would be entirely lost so that His could be found living in me.
My faith is neither exclusive nor narrow minded. What could be less narrow minded than believing there is a hope for all? That there is a peace available to any? That there is a love that knows no gender, racial or ethnic boundaries?
I am forgiven of a debt that I could not pay. I am free of a prison that I could not escape. I am full of a hope, a peace and a joy that the world has no claim to.
I have placed my life in the nail-scarred hands of a man I have never seen with my eyes. I have found my hope in a story that can be best described as a mystery. And I have given my love to a God whose love for me is only rivaled by His love for you.

casa???

erin and i had found a house that we really liked but there were immediately three other offers on it so we were sorta hedging our bets...but we made our best offer and tada - I BOUGHT A HOUSE!!!!!!
crazy...i'm so excited and so poor - i will have you all over soon - and i can safely say that since about 2 people read this blog...

some inside-outies

once upon a time

i actually did something sorta handy
here i am painting on a youth event
yay for me
yay for the teens who ended up coated in paint
and who didn't eat for 25 hours
so others could

inside-outies

i have the opportunity to work with an amazing group of teens and with an dedicated staff...here's a shot of some of them

four weeks

in 37 minutes it will be four weeks to the day since my uncle jerry suffered a major stroke, bleeding in the brain
he is 57
he is 6 months from retirement
he has a wonderful wife (aunt rosie) who is also months from retiring
he has plans for the upcoming year including a cruise and a trip to italy
he has a heart the size of a mountain
he has a sense of humor that i cherish
he is my favorite uncle
he calls me davoo...no one else does
he was given 1-2 hours hours to live
he's still alive
he's still fighting
he has been on life support for nearly four weeks
in 35 minutes it'll be four weeks

i drove to strong's in rochester the day after the stroke fully expecting to say goodbye to him...
as i walked into his room i could hardly stay composed...my aunt rosie was in there too so i wanted to be strong for her...wanted to be a man...wanted to not cry...not show fear i was full of..the despair that was working its way into my soul...the pain that made me wanna run...

but i couldn't

i cried

and she comforted me

I remember the overwhelming sense of hopelessness that day and the praying and hoping that we would at least get a chance to pray with him and have some reassurance that he was headed Home if we lost him

it was a day or two later that my dad was able to lead him in prayer as he responded by squeezing his hand…he’s made some miraculous progress in the weeks that followed…

but in 26 minutes it’ll be 4 weeks since he’s spoken or opened his eyes

I guess all this time has lured me into a false sense of security…the body doesn’t just bounce back from something this traumatic…it takes time…and sometimes it takes more than time…we’re praying for a miracle…a healing

nearly four weeks ago as sat in the waiting room I reached for things that I could be certain of and here’s what I came up with:

1 – my uncle was severely damaged
2 – my God is all good, all powerful, all wise
3 – i trust in His goodness, I pray to his power and I surrender to his wisdom

many people want to know where God is in these times…as if God causes all pain and suffering and should always interfere with life when it benefits us but keep His hands off when it may not…I know where he was when my uncle’s face began to go numb at the party…

He was with me 100 miles away, preparing my heart for the news
He was with the doctors who would be soon be working to save his life
He was with the ambulance driver who raced through the streets
He was with my uncle

17 minutes…

there’s a song lyric in a death cab for cutie song that goes, ‘love is watching someone die’…I’m not sure what they meant by that but I do know that this family’s love has grown in that waiting room…we’ve provided food for docs/nurses/families of patients…we’ve been able to fill his hospital room with songs of hope and peace and love…and in the midst of our pain, we’ve been able to minister to others

I’ve been able to spend more time with my aunts and uncles and cousins in 4 weeks (almost) than in maybe 4 years…and I know that would make my uncle happy…

there are a tremendous amount of people praying for my uncle and if you are one of those people then THANK YOU…I’ll never pretend to understand everything about prayer and how it works and how our view of it is as limited as a newborn’s view of the world around it but I know that God requires it of us…I know He loves to hear our heart even though he’s known every content of it from before the beginning of time…I know that our persistence and faith can somehow move the very heart of God …I know that I need it much more than He does…

in the past four weeks (well, 4 weeks in 11 minutes) ive been able to be alone with my uncle exactly once because of the outpouring of visitors and love…this past week I was there early in the morning and I sat alone with him

I read the Bible
I wrote in the family journal
I prayed…a lot
I looked at the pictures on the wall (including the one above)
I watched his BP on the screen
I looked at the tubes running into his body
I sat
I waited
I hoped…
…that he would sit up
…that his eyes would open
…that no nurse would come in and make me leave
…that we would talk baseball again soon
…that God would do something to baffle every doctor and nurse
…that I would hear him call me davoo again

…that he would be at my wedding

6 minutes

my favorite book of the Bible is Habakkuk
I love how this prophet was certain that he understood how God worked
I love how God blew his mind
I love how Habakkuk tried to convince God that He has lost His mind
I love how God didn’t crush him after that
I love how God showed that His desire to bring us to our destinies is so great that He’ll risk our affection to do so…

And I love the ending…

Though the fig tree should not blossom And there be no fruit on the vines, {Though} the yield of the olive should fail And the fields produce no food, Though the flock should be cut off from the fold And there be no cattle in the stalls, Yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord GOD is my strength, And He has made my feet like hinds' {feet,} And makes me walk on my high places.

3 minutes

somehow God has used this time to remind me of His love…I always come back to his love and I’m really amazed by it…His nearness IS my good…His name IS my hope…

I do trust Him…

30 seconds

even with my favorite uncle

10 seconds

even for four weeks…

josh bowers is a silly boy

oh yeah

i guess i havent posted since i got engaged to the GREATEST GIRL in the entire world....
i'm so excited to have a new best friend and to be marrying her :)

long time coming

wow, it's been a long time since i posted on this...i would say sorry but i'm not sure anyone cares or reads this - i may post more..
first an update:
the next year will undoubtedly be the busiest craziest happiest 12 months of my life...a month by month breakdown:
Jan - winter retreat
Feb- fine arts
March - 3 FHS events (2 retreats)
April - Youth Convention
May - PK/MK retreat/Syracuse Tour
June - high school reunion
July - belfast
August - orlando
September - nothing?
October - wedding - MINE honeymoon - MINE

and in this time i'm buying a house and planning a wedding

i may end up in a corner with my thumb firmly planted in my mouth

more later...

a faith that doesn't vibrate

cell phones...ah...what did we do before those?

top five reasons cell phones are the greatest technological advance since atari:
5 - you can check sport's scores on them and get sports updates via text messages
4 - they can be hidden in your hand under an office desk
3 - you can download ridiculously cool ringers
2 - you can take spy like pictures and/or use the camera as a memo pad of sorts
1 - you can set the dang thing on VIBRATE (see how i used italics to further convey the concept of vibrate there? how clever and understated...uh, till now)

you might be able to think of five other reasons that you might consider more significant but you would, of course, be wrong...

reason 5 will come in handy in a significant way this weekend...the yankees and the red sox battle for the AL East pennant...who coulda saw this coming? NY and Boston playing meaningful games in late September/early October??? shocker!!! alas (alas is a very underused and helpful word) i will be in rochester tonight celebrating 5 months with erin...right as our entrees are headed toward our table David Wells will be throwing the first pitch of the game (which Jeter will promptly smash for a double of the Green Monster)...now would i like to be watching the game? HECK YES!!!! but i'm learning that somethings in life are more important than sports...like not being single for the REST OF MY LIFE...so i'll gladly be with my baby...and with my cell phone...poor erin has just recently realized that i also like football and she has already spent one sunday afternoon with me on the couch watching football..well, i watched...she made a necklace using some necklace making kit from Target (my nephew's favorite store in the ENTIRE WORLD)...she was sitting next to me at the New Hope banquet tuesday night when i was discreetly checking scores and simultaneously receiving text messages from 4 of my friends about the game (thank GOD for verizon's IN plan) so, she KNOWS that i will be keeping one eye on the phone tonight and she still loves me for it...she even pretends to care about how the Yankees do and is learning their names slowly but surely...she already knew Jeter but what warm blooded american girl doesnt know him? she EVEN knows how to keep score in a scorebook now after sitting and watching about a dozen of my softball games...what a woman! but anyways, after dinner we're going to hear eastman's symphony/orchestra/whatever...so while they're beginning the 2nd movement of some song composed by some guy with an unpronouncable name, the yankees will be smack dab in one of the biggest games of the year...and i will be saying thanks be to God for reason # 5 as the updates pour in...

reason #4 has only come in handy once but boy was it valuable...ever get stuck in a conversation that you KNOW is destined to not end till the rapture? well, i did once at church...the old sneak attack (aka not knocking on the office door, just walking in unannounced)...about 2 light years into this very one-sided conversation i began to pray for either a way out of the chat or way out of life...then reason #4 saved the day...i had my cell phone in my hand below the desk and i had the church phone number on speed dial!!!!!!!! without even looking down i called MYSELF! i excused myself to take the call and then (GOD FORGIVE ME) proceeded to tell the person that i needed to take this call (not a total lie...?) they obliged and the day was saved - literally...for the briefests of seconds i thought - what if phones are NOT meant to be this close together? what if i get some ridiculous feedback noise or my voice is real loud in the cell phone earpiece? but i decided it was worth the risk...

the only drawback to reason #3 is that everyone thinks they deserve their own ringer - even if they only call you once a month...on accident...my favorite on accident calls are when they dial you and don't realize it and they're just walking around or talking to someone else while you're going "hello? hello??? HELLO???..oooh, they must've called me on accident...hmmm, guess i'll listen for TEN MINUTES just to see if they do or say anything incriminating..." -come on! you've done that! the other thing with ringers is that you don't always want everyone in your life hearing your choice of ringer...example: i accidentaly happened upon a song that i could down load called 'if you were gay' - it's a showtune (like i needed to explain THAT) and it's HILARIOUS - the words go 'if you were gay, that'd be ok, i mean cause hey, i'd like you anyways' - but there's no intro music - the first thing the ringer does is "IF YOU WERE GAY"..so i'm in denver with my youth group and we're having group devotionals in my hotel room (this is one of those stories where you ALREADY know how it ends just based on my setup...) anyways right in the middle of robbin's great devo on loving each other my phone (JUST out of my reach) lights up and at SUPER loud level goes, "IF YOU WERE GAY..." needless to say at that point i was not so grateful for reason #3 and wished i had employed reason #1...

reason #2 is sorta twisted i guess - i mean, i've only really taking two spy pictures ever and one was cause a guy in barnes and noble had a rook from a chess set growing off his belly where a bellybutton was supposed to be...it was the greatest spy work i have ever done (second only to the time i dressed up like a ninja at college and snuck into a dorm only to be revealed standing in the middle of the room dressed in black when someone turned the lights on...don't worry...in true ninja fashion i yelled' KOREAN FURY' and ran out the door) - to get the picture of this guys belly i stood in an aisle and pretended to read woodworking for dummys for like 5 minutes..this picture was perfect but it was on my old phone and i no longer have it...the other time involved a remarkably not small lady sitting behind me at a skychiefs' game but erin made me feel bad about that one right away...the other thing i can use my picture phone for is like a memo pad of sorts...the other day i went to SAMS CLUB (AWESOMEST PLACE) to get candy for the candy machine at church - i was about to write down the types of candy when i remembered - i can take a picture of it! so i did...and that's the picture above...yay for me being brilliant

reason #1 is captured most effectively in a rufus wainwright song when he writes, "my phones on vibrate for you but still i never ever feel from you" - he's a clever boy and i'll give you one guess as to which of the downloaded ringers i've talked about so far that i would use for him...anyways, the whole vibrate thing is so great cause it means you don't have to turn your phone off in meeting, theatres, concerts, dinner, church...i think EVERY single older person who has a cell phone should be forced to take a class in simply how to set their phone on vibrate - i mean, it seems like NONE of them know how to do that - seriously, next time a phone goes off in a place it shouldn't take a look at who it is...i have learned that putting a phone on vibrate is not the same as making it silent...a vibrating phone on a surface other than my soft belly can be quite loud...the ONLY thing with vibrate mode is this: i HATE I HATE I HATE it when i misplace my phone and it's on vibrate...if it's on volume i can just call it and find it but when it's on vibrate i'm walking around my house, the church (or in the case of THIS morning - TARGET) cursing the moment i decided to set my phone on vibrate...when i really need it to ring - it can't because i've set it up to accomodate my need to accomodate other people's right to not be bothered by my IF YOU WERE GAY ringer...

the thing is that while i was considering this very thing this morning, God, in his clever and subtle way, reminded me of how my faith in Him is very much like my phone on vibrate...we like to live our lives for God so quietly as to not disturb people around us, we like to fit in to the staus quo, to not rock the boat, to be likable, accepted, approved...and in the process our faith becomes awful quiet (on vibrate?) but the REAL problem is that when we finally NEED our faith to be loud and heard it can't be found...cause we've been so quiet and disengaging with it for so much of the time...i want a faith that doesn't vibrate but that is LOUD and lived out LOUD - not in an annoying obnoxious bullhorn to the mouth sort of way...but in a real true way that has invaded my entire life...living our faith for God is not some superspiritual thing..it's being like Christ...loving the unlovable, accepting the rejected, embracing the down and out...but when we reduce our faith to a list of moral obligations and religious disciplines, we essentially put our faith on vibrate and it can be awful hard to find when we really need it...

5 months!

this friday erin and i will celebrate our five month anniversary!!! (it's been amazing every day)

i love you babe and here's to five more months...then five MORE months....then five MORE months...then five MORE months....times infinity ;)

stinkfoot?

a hypothetical question:
can i still be a card carrying youth pastor even if i think that switchfoot's new CD is was lame??

i hope so...

cause i do...

i do like the new david crowder and the latest hillsongs united CD - wow, those two are GOOD

funniest tv shows

i submit to you (in my humble [and correct] opinion) the three funniest shows on network TV right now:
(i am by NO MEANS vouching for all the materials they cover - i am simply attesting to their ability to make me cry tears of happiness):
in no particular order:




drum roll please...



DRUM ROLL PLEASE......


(very well then)
1 - the office
2 - the family guy
3 - arrested development

abigail grace

she's such a doll
and i adore her

busy boy

it's funny how i always think that next month will be the quiet month...i'm always telling friends who want to visit or want me to visit them that this month is really busy but next month seems WIDE open...then the month arrives and i wonder what sort of drugs i was on when i made that nonsense prediction...i knew september would be crazy because it's sorta like the restart of local youth ministry...all the new kids move up (and there is a BUNCH of the bright eyed bushy tailed this year) and everyone settles back into school...PLUS this fall the SAYW (www.syracuseareayouthworkers.com) are attempting to help launch about a dozen Youth Alive clubs on syracuse area high school campuses...this is a major undertaking and we've had a couple events to help get it going but it is also an extended commitment on our end as we 'coach' the campus missionaries...chuck klinger from northside baptist and i are the coaches for liverpool - talk about a HUGE missions field - wow...
september is also the month of many fantastic birthdays now INCLUDING my beautiful new niece abigail grace (pictured above)...also erin's mom is basically in labor now and will probably have their TENTH child, another september bday...and mine was this month too...i'm not that big into celebrating my bday - i mean, i'm no party pooper but i just dont like making a big deal out of it- i must prefer make a big obnoxious deal out of others - i guess i dont shy away from being the center of attention when it is necessary, i.e. leadership, youth group, etc...but i dont like being it just for being it's sake...make sense? ah, whatever
PLUS football begins in september (GO EAGLES!!!!) and baseball is wrapping up (PLEASE WIN YANKEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
it also seemed like i was in one meeting after another this month all concluding last night at the new hope banquet where i was the giver of the benediction (aka closing prayer)...it was nice night - over 600 people there, rooey stroman sang (did great) and a real powerful speaker who used to work at a hospital that allowed full birth abortions -it was stirring to hear her story and encouraging to know that a law has been passed against that...they asked all the pastors to stand up and i stood up and the two old ladies sitting next to me were so pleased...it's funny, when you say that you're a pastor there is ALWAYS some sort of a response - either positive or negative...well, these ladies were thrilled which came in handy BECAUSE...for dinner there was a salad bowl with cherry tomatos in it...i put one in my mouth and but down - yes, you know what happened next - cherry tomato EVERYWHERE ..on the table on my sleeve ON THE LADY'S HAND ON HER PLATE!!!!!!!! i was horrifically embarrased but she took it in stride - all i could manage to say is: "you allright?" (as if i had poured acid on her) - she said yes and i said (as if she didnt know by then) it was a cherry tomato - to which she replied, "well, nothing you can do about that"...HAHA - NOTHING?!?! how about i eat like a grown adult?!?! actually, cherry tomatos are weird because you can have your lips glued together and they'll still find a way out...sheez -so meetings, meetings, awkward dinners...
and fall is here which i adore -this weather makes me one happy boy...
BUT october was NOT supposed to be this busy - i leave for boston this monday, for the adirondacks next tuesday, pittsburgh the following friday and belfast, northern ireland the wednesday after that..yikes!!! granted i will enjoy thoroughly all those trips it's just gonna be tough being out of the office for half the month especially with the youth group growing a ton and all that needs to be done to prepare for november...
oh well, atleast november will be quiet...er...